The Cat in the Hat Gets Neutered

(By Annie Bridge, CVT)

It was not me – not me at all.
It was not me who made the call
The call to take me to the vet.
But it was you, yes you, I bet.

You took me in the family car
Just you and I, we went quite far.
You put me in my little box
And tightened down the little locks.
You gave me to the Dr.’s Tech
Who gently stroked me on my neck,
And called me “Handsome Kitty Boy,”
In voice so sweet and full of joy!!
Oh, yes! Oh, Yes! I love this place!
A smile appeared upon my face.
But then the nurse, she took my hat.
“Oh, no!” said I. “I can’t have that!”
You give it back! Don’t play this game
Cat IN the hat – that is my name!
She gave it back – a little wink –
“Something’s up” I start to think.
But could I leave? Oh, no, not me.
They caged me up, my hat and me.
The nurse gave me a needle poke,
I knew right then, this is no joke.
My head! The room! They start to spin,
Oh my . . . Don’t know . . . where I begin . . .

A tiny mask upon my nose,
A funny feeling in my toes,
Then someone took each of my paws
And clipped the tips off all my claws
And greased my eyes with phony tears
And stuck a cone in both my ears
Thennnnn . . .

The Dr. took my nu-nus small
And splashed them both with alcohol
And made a tiny little cut
And pulled them firmly from my butt.
Now . . . mind you . . . this is all a blur
It happened (‘cause I’m missing fur)
I every now and then recall
The slightest smell of alcohol.

But still, I do go out at night,
And never yowl or scratch and fight,
Or sit upon the fencing rail,
And arch my back and bush my tail.

My human’s happy most of all,
I’ve not since peed upon her wall
Or sprayed her bed or chair or door,
Nope, I don’t do that anymore.

I now just “sun” upon my porch . . .
I really don’t know why
I never chase the pretty girls
As they go strutting by.
I never run into the street,
Can you imagine that?
They may have got the family jewels
They’ll never get the hat!